crushed orange (and purple and white)

AGH HOW THE WHAT THE FAIL

2008-09-27T19:16:00.004-04:00

Failure, thy name is Tommy Bowden.

We come out strong, with our defense making play after play, yet our "protect the lead" offense causes our lead to disappear.

FOR THE LOVE OF DANNY FORD, YOU GUYS. MARYLAND LOST TO MIDDLE TENNESSEE. MIDDLE FREAKING TENNESSEE.

We just got transitive football herpes or something because we lost to MTSU, I think. And it hurts. It really hurts.

With our talent level, with our facilities, with the amount of money and time poured into our football team, we should not have dropped two in October -- not the way we did, anyway. I'd accept two losses if we fought hard and looked good and were just clearly outmatched. I'd accept twelve losses if we played our best every single week.

But we don't. I don't know where our motivation is, but it's not on the sidelines. It's not in the locker rooms, it's not on the field (not applicable for the defense today, because they earned the right to rub Howard's Rock).

Idiots on Tigernet blame the loss on Harper, but Harper's problem isn't that he's a bad QB. His problem is that he has no protection. The O-line collapses and can't handle the difficulties of defenses who smell blood in the water. We're chum to their sharks.

And we shouldn't be.

--

The MOST TOTALLY EXCELLENT AND EXTREME Clemson Tigers Xtra had an article on the Death Valley of the future, featuring a gadget called iTiger. I don't like the idea of huddling around a screen to watch the game, as opposed to, say, watching it on the field (isn't that why you pay tons of money to IPTAY?) but the idea of ordering concessions for delivery seems fairly neat.

Whatev.

Crushed Orange will be at the GTech game! Details to come soon.

--J.L. fired Tommy Bowden two years ago.

Cluckin' It Up Bigtime

2008-09-05T02:33:00.002-04:00

Dear Coot Nation:

At least our embarrassing loss wasn't to a team that hasn't had a winning season record in the past 25 years.

AAAAAAAAAAARGH, take one

2008-08-31T02:38:00.001-04:00

So, from my experience, which comes from exactly one game of Pop-Warner football and many hours of NCAA '07, what'd we do wrong?

Finishing the Job: In most of the other fairly big games today, I saw them play until the whistle, tossing people around if they got a hold of them, and piling on whenever possible. They played mean, dirty, smashmouth football. During the Clemson game, if I took a shot of delightful sweet-tea vodka for each missed tackle, I'd need a new liver right about now. A blown sack turned into a completion and a first-down. The failure to grind Coffee down (har har) in the backfield meant another 4- or 5-yard rushing gain. Speedy defenders mean nothing if they can't take the guy down once they get to him.

Attitude: And in a lot of the other games, the teams look motivated: when they tackled someone, they got pumped up and jumped around and shouted and slapped each other upside the helmet--hell, Alabama was doing it, too. But the Tigers never seemed to click, and they didn't seem enthusiastic; they'd take the field, do whatever they did until they came off, and sit on the sidelines until they came on again. The announcers brought up time and again that our sidelines were quiet and gloomy. Not that I can blame them, but It's a bit of a chicken-and-egg thing: were we unmotivated because we never made these big plays, or did we fail to make the big plays because we were unmotivated?

WTF: We have like FIVE-THOUSAND OF THE BEST SKILL PLAYERS (some who were kindasorta up for award contention), and a star QB and two star RBs and a solid receiver corps and we can barely move the ball forward? Honestly, what the hell is that? It happened in every important game last year: whatever happened, we wouldn't click, and we'd be lucky to make it back to the line of scrimmage most plays.

Overrating: We were #9 coming in to this? Really? After we had another 9-4 year in 2007 and failed to beat any in-season ranked teams? After we blew our bowl game to Auburn? We were decently-good-but-not-great last year, and putting us up at #9 and starting the ACC championship hype was probably a lot of pressure to put on the guys. I don't know if it'd have been any different if we were an unranked dark horse looking to upset top-10 Alabama, but it's probably easier to swallow being down by 20 at the half when you're motivated by the urge to pull off the upset, not depressed by how half of your supporters are going to get kneecapped by the mob because you didn't even cover the spread.

Refs: Okay, for the most part, we blew it for ourselves, but am I missing something, or is having SEC refs in an SEC vs. ACC game not a conflict of interest?

We've got time to lick our wounds, since our next three games are cupcakes, and it's not unfeasible for us to be 7-1 in time to choke against Florida State. And it doesn't hurt our hopes for the ACC championship, though the way it's going, that'll just make us head dung-beetle of the ball of crap.

I'll grump a bit more about the other games tomorrow; it was pretty satisfying to watch Beamer get Beamered.

WHAT KIND OF FAIL IS THIS.

2008-08-31T00:08:00.002-04:00

THANKS CORSO.

Or, you know, we could just admit to failing. Deac & I are trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.. he'll post that later, since I'm planning on drinking and dreading work.

They call Alabama the Crimson Tide...

2008-08-30T12:05:00.002-04:00

(note: I've been writing this for a year, but never got around to posting it. So, I've updated it in preparation for our season opener vs. Alabama @ Georgia.)

I hate Alabama.

Maybe my reasons aren't the best. I can't exactly figure out why I hate them so badly. Maybe it's cos "rammer", "jammer", "yellow hammer" and "Alabama" are the worst rhymes I've heard in one song since Steve Miller strung together "Texas", "facts is", "justice" and "taxes." Maybe it's just that the name "Crimson Tide" sounds like a bunch of cracker assholes (though the fact that Alabama's women's teams are the Lady Tides gives me a new favorite euphemism for the menses). Maybe it's my dislike of elephants because they're the worst-smelling things at the zoo.

Or maybe it's acting like the New York Yankees of college football. Maybe it's their regular shows of class and sportsmanship. Maybe it's the potential latent racism in their hiring practices. Maybe it's the way they cried foul when Coach Fran promised to stick around, then jumped ship for Texas A&M, but were wetting their tightie-red-and-whities with delight when Nick Saban did the same thing to the Miami Dolphins (and, possibly, the LSU Tigers after their championship).

Maybe it's because half the country has not only its nose, but most of its collective head wedged up Saban's rectal passages. For the entirety of last year, I swore (loud and often, as J.L. can attest) that the announcers would lather praise over his every move. When Houston Nutt blew the Arkansas Razorbacks' opening game against Alabama deep in the fourth quarter, the announcers wouldn't shut up about how this was a "typical Saban victory"--what, squeaking by on the incompetence of the other team? Arkansas would've beat Bama if they hadn't given up two major pass interference penalties in the last five minutes, including one on third and longish-- Alabama didn't win that game; Arkansas lost it.

And at 6-6, they were lucky to go to a bowl game. They went up against Colorado (Colo-who?), who was never ranked or really that great this year, and beat them. And again, a "typical Saban victory" to cap off this "proud season."

WHAT.

Maybe in Tuscaloosa, a four-game losing streak is something to be proud of. Especially a loss (the sixth straight) to arch-rival Auburn, a karmically righteous loss to Miss St. (CROOOOOOOMED) and a simply delightful loss to La-Mo (HAHAHAHAHAHA).

Yeah, I know, Clemson didn't beat a ranked opponent last year, but Clemson doesn't puff and preen with the pretense that (and at least we beat La-Mo when we played them), nor do we imagine that we deserve championships for fielding a team. We don't get our asses kissed left and right because of our "history". And thankfully, we don't have people at Sports Illustrated straining to kiss our ass with the most obnoxiously pretentious aw-shucks attempts at blue-collar romanticism since John Mellencamp lent that godawful "Our Country" song to Chevy.

Oh, let's sing the praises of Alabama football. Alabama, the team who killed half of college football (but set up the most lol-worthy year ever) by padding the schedule with cupcakes. Alabama, home of child-hating parents who name their kids Tyde and Saban (for the kid's sake, I hope they never move to Baton Rouge or Miami). Alabama, where Nick Saban hones his laser vision so that he may strike fear in the hearts of such powerhouses as Western Carolina, Vanderbilt and Houston. (Oh, and let's not forget Louisiana-Monroe. Ever.)

Pew pew!

Prior to the LSU-Bama game, an announcer was babbling on about how Bear said he could coach his team and beat your team, then coach your team and beat his team, and how Saban could prove he was the Dalai Bear incarnate by beating "his team". Funny, they had lost two games before going up against LSU, and while he made good recruiting choices at LSU, it wasn't him pumping them up or calling their plays; it was Les Miles. But everyone still wants to crown him--even though he managed to lose to "his team" with his team.

When les Tigres won the Championship, who was the one sitting on the sidelines, contemplatively masticating his taffy? Who called the plays? Who went on a thousand 4th-and-going-for-its? Who was the one soaked with Gatorade when all was said and done? (Who was the one who kept his promise about not ditching the job for a more prestigious one when a vaunted position opened up at the end of the season?)

"But LSU won with Saban's players!" they cry. Great, it's nice that he's a good recruiter, and I'm sure that'll serve him well in his new position, if he keeps it long enough. But Ol' Nick had the option to stay there, and he chose not to. But hey, if he still "possesses" a team after he leaves it, that means that Nick Saban's Miami Dolphins went 1-15 last year.

The sooner Alabama fans realize it, the sooner people will hate them less: the Big Bear is over, taking a job or scholarship at Tuscaloosa does not automatically grant you magical winning abilities, and if the Tide is going to get a championship, they're going to have to earn it, just like everyone else.

As for the game Saturday, I'm hopeful for Clemson--we've got veterans and pretty big names at QB, RB, WR ; they've got a young team hamstrung by arrests (in fact, they appear to be the worst-behaved team in the offseason this year). It won't be an easy win, but I'm sure it'll be a damn good game of football, in spite of our opponents.

Eager for another year of Orange,
-D. Blues

two thousand hate

2008-08-27T00:34:00.004-04:00

Round and round and down the bowl

Roll Tide Roll!

I hate Alabama fans.

I hate their arrogance, their lack of wit, their inability to accept even the slightest criticisms. I hate that they cannot comprehend the possibility of failure, even though last season was full of it. I hate their braggadocio, I hate their stupidity, I hate their stupid chants -- you could lose by one in overtime and they'd still say they beat the hell out of you.

I don't just hate Alabama fans, though.

If you're on the schedule this year, welcome to two-thousand-hate.

And so do I.

--J.L., who hopes to drink the drink of champions -- Tahitian Treat.

a quick note from tiger country

2008-01-02T17:32:00.000-05:00

If you believed that Hawaii and Illinois deserved to be in the BCS, you may apologize in the comments below.

If you believed Hawaii deserved to be in the title game, seek help immediately.

--J.L., who is still shaking her head after last night's "game"

More like the Chick-FAIL-a Bowl

2007-12-31T23:31:00.000-05:00

We gave up liveblogging at the half, and it didn't go much better after that. My complaints are the same ones I had before:

Our O-line couldn't stop a grandmother on her Jazzy mobility cart--which turns into wasted downs or sacks. Buchholz is like Jad Dean: unreliable for anything besides PATs. And special teams gave up 30 or 40 yards on kickoffs regularly, setting Auburn up with good field position. AND FDHFJGDHFGING BUBBLE SCREENS SUCK.

Also, the more I watch, the more I see: the defense seems to prefer tackling with hugs instead of crushing bones. More than once, we could've stopped Auburn for little-to-no gain with a solid blow, but they'd break a tackle or two and turn it into 5 yards. I know we don't want a reputation as a thug school, but we're not finishing our tackles, and we're leaking bits of yardage every time we don't. If we started playing some smashmouth defense and rattling their fillings, they won't get those 2 or 3 extra yards.

That was a dirty chop-block from Auburn, though. I hope they keep up on the enforcement of those, and I wouldn't be opposed to suspending players for that. (And maybe make horse-collaring illegal like it is in the NFL).

J.L. sez: I feel let down. Bubble screens suck, our coaching staff has no excuse for its poor playcalling, and Aaron Kelly needs to quit buttering his gloves. That is all.

PS: Pardon our cynicism.

Happy New Year, Tiger fans! We're officially undefeated in 2008! HA. IN YOUR FACE, 2008 LOSERS.

-- Deac (with a little help from J.L.)

LIVEBLOGGING: THE MM MM CHICKFILA SANDWICHES ARE TASTY EDITION

2007-12-31T20:25:00.000-05:00

Liveblog started late because we fail.

Summary so far: AHUIOGDHFSIUGDFHIUGLHFDDFU WHY ARE WE KEEPING ROB SPENCE WHY DOES HE CALL BUBBLE SCREENS WHY CAN'T OUR O-LINE PROTECT ANYTHING FGJDHGJKFKF

8:32 - Spiller calls for fair catch. Household erupts in tears of joy, because this time CJ won't lose yards on a STUPID FREAKING RUNNING-BACKWARDS THING OMG NO.

8:35 - Household eats crow. CJ takes it to the house for six. Fireworks erupt in the distance, and I assume it's drunken neighbors, but it still sounds nice.

8:40 - What was that? Whack-a-Mole? Sure, it makes Sportscenter, but my god. It didn't make 40 yards because of the trick, it made 40 yards because we can't finish our tackles.

8:42 - Auburn dodges an intentional grounding on a loophole. A stupid loophole.

8:45 - Wes Byrum shanks an easy field goal. Suddenly his gator-chomping field goal against Florida doesn't look so impressive.

8:54 - Buchholz misses a 53-yarder. No big surprise, though. Buchholz would miss his own birthday.

9:00 - Happy New Year, Rio de Janeiro!

9:08 - My god, we suck at third downs. And Harper likes to overthrow, it seems.

9:11 - What's up with all the three-and-outs? Do the teams get free Chick-Fil-A sandwiches at halftime? Are they just hungry? Here's a thought: NO FOOD UNTIL YOU MAKE PLAYS.

We'll be back at halftime.

--Signing off,
J.L & Deac

BIG COLLEGE STUPID BOWL SELECTIONS, PART B: AULD LANG SYNE IS NOT A FIGHT SONG

2007-12-31T02:52:00.000-05:00

The first half of my bowl selections are up; now comes the second half, and this time, I promise, I'll explain why the bowl system sucks.

Because it does.
Roady's Humanitarian Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Fresno State

Well, congratulations. The records of both teams were impressive enough to be picked by a bowl named after a series of truck stops. I've only seen Georgia Tech play, but Fresno State's victories look equally mediocre. This is a tossup, but I suppose I'll pick Georgia Tech -- after all, Chan Gailey's not putting anyone to sleep on the sidelines, so the Jackets have a shot to play some exciting football. Georgia Tech wins this one; it's a lock.

Brut Sun Bowl: South Florida vs. Oregon

Oregon's nothing without Dennis Dixon (D2: the Mighty Duck), so Jim Leavitt screams his way to a victory that everyone sees coming.
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Kentucky vs. Florida State

At first, I thought "that's a stupid name for a bowl." Then I remembered last year, and I cried. Then I laughed at Kentucky for ending up there again. I was going to pick Florida State, but then a lot of the Criminoles cheated on a History of Music exam. An online exam. Where you can print out your notes and open your books and cheat on your own WITHOUT A TUTOR. But these guys, they're beyond stupid. A big group of 'em got the tutor to give 'em the answers. Sheesh. Kentucky, who beat LSU in triple-overtime, embarrasses Bobby's Boys so badly that he steps down on the spot, and Jimbo Fisher jumps up and down on the sideline like a kid on Christmas morning.

Insight Bowl: Indiana vs. Oklahoma State

The teams are equally matched; the real question is, which coach is more inspiring? Hep or the angry screaming guy? Hep makes for a nicer story, but Hep can't yell at you when you don't make plays. I'm picking Oklahoma State here.

The Chick Fil A Bowl gets its own post, because it's.. it's complicated, see? Moving on.

Outback Bowl: Wisconsin vs. Tennessee

Wisconsin's looked pretty ragged this year, especially when they struggled against the most pathetic Golden Gopher team ever fielded. Tennessee, however, scares me. I go with fear, it never leads me astray. Fulmer keeps his creamsicle-orange jacket and his job.
Cotton Bowl: Missouri vs. Arkansas

Missouri's likely pissed that they lost to Oklahoma twice, beat Kansas, and Kansas gets to go to the big BCS dance instead. Arkansas is just happy to be rid of the Nutt. RUN-DMC and his new Escalade of Victory (which is really his mother's, honest) may not even be eligible to play, depending on whether or not D-mac even cares. If D-mac plays, I'll take Arkansas. If not, it's impossible to decide.
Konica Minolta Gator Bowl: Texas Tech vs. Virginia

DEAR GATOR BOWL SPONSORS OF THE FUTURE: HAVE SHORTER NAMES.

Eesh. Texas Tech had no convincing wins -- and don't try to say their victory against Oklahoma was convincing, because it wasn't. Oklahoma's QB was injured during the first quarter, and without him, Oklahoma wasn't as good. With a healthy QB in the pocket, Texas Tech would've been crying to mommy at halftime.

Virginia, though.. Virginia's been the dark horse of the ACC, coming out of nowhere to be a serious threat. Virginia wins this one easy.

Capital One Bowl: Michigan vs. Florida

Not. Even. A. Game. Florida makes a beating by App State look like Elysium. Tebow passes to himself for the game-winning touchdown, and volunteers to kick the extra point; it's a fake, and Tebow dives over everyone for the two-point conversion.

Rose Bowl: USC vs. Illinois

They might as well put a sign on the Rose Bowl that says "Postseason Home of the USC Trojans." The Rose Bowl is where they are vikings. Illinois, who could only beat OSU on a questionable call in the end zone by a referee who shouldn't have even been working the game, will choke this one away. The Big Game is not where the Zooker excels.
Allstate Sugar Bowl: Hawaii vs. Georgia
Oh boy. Hawaii, the team of magical fairies and candy drops and unicorns from Never-Never Land, up against Richt's Dirty Dawgs. The haka will look like a ballet recital once Georgia gets finished -- which will likely only take a few plays. Colt Brennan will become accustomed to the fetal position after being scared into submission by the Dawgs. And Knowshon Moreno? He'll be but a blur to Hawaii's defense. If I were a bettin' woman, I'd bet the whole house on Georgia.

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. West Virginia

Oklahoma's back on familiar post-season turf. They'll remember last year's nightmarish trip, where they lost to Boise State's trick plays. West Virginia, coachless and alone, will fall to the Sooners. They'll find a way to blame their poor playing on RichRod. Nevermind that their playbook can be bought on eBay for $1.50. Pick Oklahoma here, folks.

FedEx Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Kansas

Kansas beat nobody this year, and Virginia Tech suffered a humiliating loss to the soon-to-be-National-Champions. I fully expect that Beamerball will be too much for Kansas to handle, and this defeat will look as bad as Colorado's first quarter against Alabama. Take VT unless you're nuts.

International Bowl: Rutgers vs. Ball State and GMAC Bowl: Tulsa vs. Bowling Green

Good lord. Both of these bowls belong in the Christmas afterglow, when everyone's hopped up on candy canes and sugarplums to even care that this crap is on. But nooo, let's make the football addicts sit through some of the most pathetic displays of football since Notre Dame took the field. (Just kidding, Rutgers. Sorta.) I'm not going to bother picking; I'd be better off picking my nose, and so would you.

Allstate BCS Championship Game: LSU vs. Ohio State

ALL HAIL OUR NEW TIGER OVERLORDS. THE END.

Also, in case you haven't noticed, the BCS sucks. Like, really sucks. What person in their right mind would choose KANSAS OVER MISSOURI? FREAKIN' KANSAS?! And don't get me started on Hawaii. Or how LSU is the first two-loss team in the history of ever to compete for the MNC, magically rising eight or so spots after losing to Arkansas and squeaking by everyone but Tulane and Mississippi State. My god, Clemson's a three-loss team. PUT US IN THE SUGAR BOWL. Or maybe we could just give it to Alabama and Notre Dame, because history demands it.

Or we could just say that no one wins, everyone sucks, and let's all go home and try again next year.

-Go Tigers (of Clemson),
J.L.

BIG COLLEGE STUPID BOWL SELECTIONS 2007, PART ONE: KANSAS REALLY SUCKS

2007-12-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

Allow me to break down the bowls in order of dates played, as well as an attempt to make the case for a playoff.

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl - Motor City Bowl, or The Bowls that Exist Solely to Spare Someone's Feelings: I was going to predict the winners of all the games, but then I realized that no one cares.

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Arizona State vs. Texas

Wasn't Texas supposed to be good? Weren't the Sun Devils in the top 5 at some point? I wanna look at both of these teams and just say 'what happened?' I wanna say Arizona State wins, but I can't picture that happening in any universe. Texas rolls over the Sun Devils, and Texas OC/QB coach Greg Davis hopes the win is convincing enough to keep his job.

Champs Sports Bowl, with an estimated attendance of 8,000 fans and 50,000 Champs Sports employees: Boston College vs. Michigan State

No one will be at this game. Fewer people will be watching. If a team wins in an empty stadium, does anyone care? Probably not. I guess BC wins, only because Michigan State looked pretty mediocre this year, and Matty Ice should be able to carry BC one last time.

Texas Bowl, shown only on the NFL Network: TCU vs. Houston

This'll be a snoozer, but I have a friend at TCU, so I'm picking them. That's my reasoning.

Emerald Bowl: Maryland vs. Oregon State

Beavers and turtles are some of the most unintimidating mascots in the history of ever. Beavers build dams, and turtles just hide in their shells. Fear the turtle? Psh. Have you ever seen the Oregon State Beaver? His eyes are dead and glassy. He's a zombie beaver, and he'll settle for turtle brains on the 28th. Oregon State over the Terps, and hopefully the Beav won't go after Maryland's QB like they did Jake Locker.

Meineke Car Care Bowl: UConn vs. Wake Forest

If I don't root for the Huskies, I'm probably not going to get any microeconomics help next semester, so to keep the boy appeased, I'll go against my gut feeling (which says that UConn backed into being ranked off of a crappy no-call and will probably flounder and fail against Wake) and pull for the Huskies. Official prediction if money were riding on it, though? The Deacs will ride.

Autozone Liberty Bowl: UCF vs. Mississippi State

Mississippi State sure is the Cinderella story of the SEC. After their dismal performance at home against LSU to start the season, Croom was going to be lucky if he retained his job -- everyone in Starkville was thinking this would be another losing season.

And everyone was wrong. Croom turned his boys around, leading them to stunning victories over Auburn, Alabama, and Kentucky. The season finale against Ole Miss (which put the nail in Orgeron's coffin) proved that Croom's boys weren't going to give up, and the Bulldogs are heading to their first bowl game since 1998; this will be Croom's first appearance in a bowl game as head coach.

Take heart, SEC teams: being Croomed ain't as bad as it used to be.

Bulldogs will tear UCF to shreds. No doubt.

Valero Alamo Bowl: Penn State vs. Texas A&M

This is a hard one to pick, only because both teams have been so incredibly mediocre this year. Going with mind over heart here -- Penn State beats A&M only because of their chaotic coaching situation. Coach Fran leaves in disgrace, and JoePa adds another win to his belt.

PetroSun Independence Bowl: Alabama vs. Colorado

Alabama sucks. There's no two ways about it. John Parker Wilson can't even throw in the towel without screwing something up, Bear Bryant is still dead, and Nick Saban is the sleaziest sleaze who ever sleazed. Sleaze sleaze sleaze. He spent half the season barely winning, the other half losing to powerhouses like Louisiana-Monroe, and the entire time running his mouth about why he lost -- and of course, he lost because of Shula. It's the "b-b-b-but Clinton!" of college football, and it's pathetic.

Colorado's Dan Hawkins, however, is a stand-up kinda guy. He blogs. All the time. He always recommends books, and none of them need to be colored in.

Therefore, using my formula of Hating Coaches + Liking Coaches - Rate of Failure = Chance of winning, Colorado over Bama. You heard it here.

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: California vs. Air Force

Oh good god. This bowl is going to suck. I'd rather watch A Christmas Story for the millionth time than watch this. And how does Air Force have a better record than Cal? Oh, you mean it's from cupcakes? Cal has to play the PAC-10, and Air Force plays tough teams like Army and Notre Dame? OOH WOW HOW ENTHRALLING. Neither team deserves to win, so let's just let it end in a tie and send them to their rooms.

And that's it for the first half of the Big College Stupid discussion. Stay tuned for the next installment, which contains everything important and worth watching, and hopefully less failure than this post.

Woo pig sooie, Tommy?

2007-12-04T08:12:00.000-05:00

ESPN.com is reporting that Arkansas wants Tommy Bowden.

My first thought was "why?"

..actually, that's my only thought.

This is either the worst news or the best news you could possibly receive today as far as football goes. Lemme know what you think in the comments section.

-- J.L., who is still half-asleep and not looking forward to accounting class.

Makin' Plans: Spring Cleaning Suggestions for Clemson

2007-11-25T14:06:00.000-05:00

Hooray, yay, woo, we squeaked past our biggest rivals and secured a decent bowl on the strength of all the cupcakes we beat, in-conference (Duke, N.C. State) and otherwise (Louisiana-Monroe, Furman, Central Michigan).

Now, who should we fire?

Rob Spence - If Tommy Bowden as much of a good Christian man as his apologists attest, he should fire his offensive coordinator because GOD HATES BUBBLE-SCREENS. When it's 2nd and 17, the last thing you want to do is throw the football behind the line of scrimmage. Especially to C.J "East-West" Spiller. And when it's 2nd and goal on the 2, the last thing you want to do is get picked off in the END ZONE FLDKSFJSKLJGSDK. So, it seems like Spence is good at doing the last things we'd want to do.
Even though my only coaching experience comes from playing NCAA Football '07, I know that it's smarter to try to run it in, because all you need are 2 yards, and you've got two tries. Give it to a fullback and let him plow it into the end zone. Run an option or a reverse and see if you can catch the defense off-guard. See if we can put the Fastest Legs in Florida to use and have Thunder or Lightning take it in. Even if none of that works, you're still in range for an easy three points by a chip-shot --a risky proposition, given our special teams, but better than throwing it up for grabs and letting the Cocks pick it off, take it back for decent field position, and use the drive to score.

Mark Buchholz - Yes, he kicked the game-winning field goal last night, but he also missed two other field goals that would've given us a comfortable lead. If he'd made just one more of the field goals against BC, it would've gone to overtime; if he had made both, we might have won. If he would've hit the four field goals he missed at Georgia Tech--none of which were over 50 yards--we could've won that game, too.
If we had a kid with a golden leg, we could be in the top 10 right now. But currently, every time we line up for a field goal, our kicker is a liability, with a middling 63% record on FGs. I hope that Buchholz either practices the hell out of his field goals in the off-season, or decides to focus on soccer and makes TB recruit a solid, reliable kicker instead.

Our Non-Existent Special Teams Coach - This has been a sore spot for a long time. Like when we gave up both a punt return and a kickoff for a touchdown against Virgina Tech, or all those field goals we woulda coulda shoulda made but missed. And the blocked punts. And C.J. Spiller always running side-to-side on returns. And let's not get started on Jad Dean last year, who never recovered from Tommy Bowden's lovely "You'll never kick in this town again!" motivation speech; special teams choked game after game, culminating in a humiliating defeat by the Cocks when kicking protection broke down once again and Dean missed a game-winning field goal.
Maybe we imagine they're not important because they're only on the field for one down a drive, but special teams play is vital. We need a real special teams coach and a real plan to handle it, or we're going to hemorrhage points every time we botch a field goal or give up a touchdown (or excellent field position) on a kickoff or punt.

I'll settle for A SEVERE YELLING AT for:

C.J. Spiller: You see that patch of painted grass, way down there? That's the end-zone, and when you get the ball, every step you take should be towards it. Running backwards in order to run forwards rarely works; you're better charging forward for a gain of 1 than going sideways for a loss on the play. We've seen Davis yell at Spiller for running side-to-side, but I'm not sure if it's sunk in yet.

The Offensive Line - I suspect part of the reason Spiller doesn't bolt straight upfield is because the O-line works backward. They have plenty of holes when protecting the QB, but can't make any holes for our backs when we're trying to run the ball. They've allowed plenty of sacks against lesser teams--I remember hearing about 5 against Furman. Cullen Harper's a good QB, but he's no Tim Tebow; when the O-line fails to protect him, he's just not built to shake off a couple tackles and keep on truckin'. I'm not sure if it's the players themselves or the coach, but currently, they're not as consistent as they need to be if we want to build some new glory days instead of looking back at the old ones.

Tommy Bowden - Somehow, in spite of the fact that he is responsible for all evils in the world, past and present, I don't want him fired quite yet. But if he turns the bowl game into an embarrassment, I'll be more than happy to transfer him to the other list. I hope he's been searching for a replacement for Buchholz so we can have a reliable kicker, as well as a special teams coach so we make these clutch field goals to win games, and don't let the other team run all over us.

What troubles me is that we've got a great set of players--a solid QB, two of the faster running backs currently playing, good receivers all around (especially once Jacoby Ford comes back), and a strong defense. We shouldn't just be dominating the cupcakes, we should putting up a solid fight against our harder opponents and proving that we're in it to win it, rather than melting into an orange-and-purple ooze whenever the heat is turned up on us. Other than defeating Daddy Bowden in the season opener against #19 Florida St. (who were only ranked that high based on their strong performance last year) , we lost when we played a then-ranked opponent (#15 VTech and #17 Boston college). Right now, it feels like there's a lot of talent not living up to its potential, and it's a heart-breaker.

HATE WEEK: LIVEBLOGGING EDITION

2007-11-24T19:07:00.000-05:00

Nobody's reading this right now, but whatever. I have wireless internet now and I am going to be liveblogging this game because this? IS AWESOME.

7:06 - Kickoff. We're kicking off in purple pants.
7:08 - First pass of the game, Shake'N'Blake Mitchell throws a pick. It's like an early Christmas gift. I call it.. the gift of hope.
7:09 - Tommy already looks like a whipped dog.
7:11 - Thunder (aka Atlas) explodes down the sidelines for a huge gain into Cock territory. CJ gets the next touch and loses a yard.
7:14 - Nancy O'Dell's intro is recycled, and Spurrier introduces some of his players. What's the over/under that Spurrier had to have cue cards because he can't remember his players' names?
7:16 - Spiller runs backwards after a false start penalty. Davis will likely yell at him for the next five or ten minutes.
7:17 - Clemson scores first - score is now 3 - 0.
7:19 - Crezdon Butler steamrolled the Coot who had the ball, whose name escapes me because I don't care enough to remember.
7:20 - Cory Boyd looks threatening. So far, he's the only one. By the way, what kind of major is Hotel, Restaurant, and Tourism Management? (A stupid one, no doubt.)
7:23 - Carolina is held to three-and-out. Succop's out to punt.
7:25 -

BLOCKED FOR TOUCHDOWN
BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKED

Score is now 10 - 0.
7:29 - Blake looks less shaky for now, but don't be fooled; he'll get shaky soon.
7:32 - Flag on the Coots; holding. Bring it on back, fellas.
7:33 - OH GOOD LORD SOMEONE STOP CORY BOYD.
7:35 - Mitchell to McKinley for a touchdown. Pretty pass, but still. Damnit. Extra point is good, and the score is now 10 - 7.
7:38 - Spurrier drunk driving PSA -- does he use cue cards for everything? And does he say "remember" enough? I think the answers are yes and no, respectively.
7:39 - Spiller shoulda taken a knee.
7:40 - Bubble screen actually worked. Color me surprised. It's 3rd and 2 and GOOD GOD SHUT THAT ROOSTER UP.
7:41 - Sudden craving for chicken.
7:42 - Nice reverse. Announcers are stupid though, and very possibly blind. Perhaps they need seeing eye bloggers to tell them what happened.
7:46 - Second quarter starts with a first down for Clemson, followed by a reverse that didn't gain as many yards as the last one. Whatever, though; it still worked.
7:47 - Over/under on Tyrone Nix getting fired? Any guesses?
7:49 - Skirmish breaks out on the field. Hoping to not have a repeat of 2004.
7:50 - Cook the Crook sacks Harper from behind; Harper fumbles, and Clemson manages to recover. The house sags with a sigh of relief.
Harper passes long and nearly throws an interception.
Ineligible receiver down field, penalty refused, 3rd down.
7:51 - three-and-out for the Tigers.
7:57 - Lecorn the Coot is actin' a little thuggy on the field. We'd stoop to their level, but I don't think Tommy allows his boys to pack heat.
8:04 - Late hit against the Cocks. Maybe I'd hit people if my name were Melvin too, but still. 15 yards!
8:09 - THERE'S ORANGE IN THE ENDZONE. Score is now 17 - 7.
8:14 - Announcers are still stupid. Bob Davies must hate Clemson.
8:31 - Buchholz shanks the kick. Halftime is here, and the score has not changed since 8:09.
8:52 - Second half starts.

DEACON:

9:08 - I haven't been paying attention for the past 5 minutes, but Clemson gave up an interception at the goal line and the Cocks just converted on it. Ouch.
9:10 - Pimento cheese sandwiches for dinner! We're not allowed to eat at the laptop, so blogging is on hold for now.
9:28 - J.L. is back!

Score is now 20 - 14. ESPN.com has us listed as on 'upset watch.' I hate you, ESPN.com.
9:30 - Defense obviously took a nap during halftime, and are still half asleep. Plans to send alarm clocks are underway.
9:31 - FUMBLE! FUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE! Except it's more of an upside-down cockroach than a jungle. Clemson's ball!
9:41 - Not that we're doing anything with it, of course. We're looking kinda bad right now.
9:44 - Happy birthday to Clemson #45! Nice sack, too.
9:45 - INTERCEPTION! Clemson pressured Shake'N'Blake, forced a turnover, and now they get a chance to do something with the ball. I'm not holding my breath, though.
9:47 - Buchholz misses the field goal. We need a new kicker, as well as a new not-Rob-Spence.
9:52 - Late hit against Clemson. Stupid penalty, horrible timing.
9:54 - The Coots are about to capitalize on our error. Great.
9:55 - They did. Carolina takes the lead, 21 - 20. Tigernetters are probably drafting TB's resume and sending it to Baylor and Ole Miss.
10:04 - Rob Spence calls another bubble screen, Six minutes to go, and it's 3rd and 13. If the Tigernetters need help, I'm available.
10:12 - Harper is sacked. Feeling despondent. Should've had chicken instead of a sandwich.
10:14 - 3rd and 17, and Spence needs to quit with these dumb bubble screens.
10:15 - 4th and 4. Announcers can't count; said we had 8 or 9 to go.
First down, Tigers. Clock is ticking.
10:16 - Harper passes to Aaron Kelly for a big gain; Clemson is on the 15-yard line. Buchholz is warming up. Should he miss this, I will cry. And send TB's resume to Baylor, TAMU, and Ole Miss myself.
10:18 - Three seconds left to go. Buchholz is on the field. I wanna think we'll get this, but Buchholz is erratic.

10:20 - Tigers win. I still want Rob Spence fired, and I want a new kicker too, but holy crap we won. WAY TO SHOCK ME.

Final score: 23 - 21. I'll reflect on the game later, when I've had time to absorb everything that happened.

Signing off,
J.L. (with a little help from Deacon)

HATE WEEK: PRE-TURKEY EDITION

2007-11-21T15:48:00.000-05:00

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past five decades, you know that this weekend is the biggest rivalry in the history of ever. Forget Ohio State-Michigan, forget Georgia-Auburn, forget the Iron Bowl. Forget EVERYTHING. Clemson-USC is the be-all, end-all rivalry. Losing to the other team is enough to get coaches fired, and winning this game is like defeating Hitler, but much more awesome.

Saturday evening Clemson rolls into the upside-down cockroach known as Williams-Brice, wearing white but feeling solid orange and desperate to bounce back after the heartbreaker known as last week. Unfortunately, the Coots have had two weeks to prepare for us, and they might suck, but they're a prepared sort of suck that's difficult to stop.

Let's put it like this: Spurrier and the Cocks won't lose this game. We're the only ones who can lose. A loss for them is just another day at the beach. A loss for us, a second straight loss to the Cocks, will ruin our shot at anything better than the Champs Sports Bowl. I don't know about y'all, but I want a bowl with one name and five letters -- if it can't be P-E-A-C-H, let it be G-A-T-O-R. Whatever. None of this Farmer John's Corn Bowl, or Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl, or Papajohns.com Bowl, or 2000 Flushes Toilet Bowl (wait, wasn't that Duke v. Notre Dame last week?).

WE. DESERVE. BETTER.
WE. DESERVE. AWESOMENESS.

So forgive me, y'all, if I'm craving chicken all week. Forgive me if I'm jonesin' for fried chicken instead of roasted turkey. We do chicken right, and I wanna do it right this year.

GO TIGERS! BEAT THE COCKS!

-- J.L. is full of rabid hatred for the Gamecocks, as well as a sudden craving for sweet and sour chicken. Go figure.

Three words.

2007-11-17T23:26:00.001-05:00

Three words have been used to define our season. Finish the job. Obviously that's hard, so here's three more words for your consideration.

FIRE ROB SPENCE.

That is all.

DRIVER'S ED

2007-11-15T16:56:00.000-05:00

So, you're in the driver's seat. You gotta check the rearview mirror before you go anywhere, because you don't wanna hit anything.

..well, in this case, maybe you do.

With a win Saturday night, Clemson has a chance to go to the ACC Championship and square off against one of Virginia's finest. A loss puts us where we usually are this season -- hungry for fried gamecock and ready for a bowl game (please be in January, please be in January..)

As of this moment, Clemson is the 7.5 point favorite to beat the Eagles, but don't book your trip to Jacksonville just yet. We looked great against Wake, and BC looked awful against Maryland, but can we maintain our level and hope they maintain theirs?

It's going to be a close game, and BC's going to have the lead a few times, but I think the final score will be 28-21 Clemson. Good, solid defense and Cullen Harper's Magic Passing Arm will save us all.

--

Carolina sucks. Really, they do. A top 5 team has collapsed to the point of possibly not even being bowl-eligible, should they lose to Clemson in two weeks. They keep saying "it'll be our year next year, you just wait and see." It'll always be next year, Coots. It's never this year.

Note to Coots: buy calendar; figure out that next year is no different than this year, with the exception of the straight and squiggly lines at the top. Those are called "numbers." Those numbers indicate what year it is, and it's NEVER gonna be your year.

--

CROOMED. Kentucky, Auburn, and Alabama have all scheduled the easy-win against Mississippi State, but next year they'll try not to put the W in the win column in pen. All three have lost to Sly Croom and his band of win-thieves, and Arkansas could possibly be the fourth feather in Croom's ratty hobo hat. Godspeed, Sly Croom. Bring a bowl victory home, and rub it in Alabama's faces.

Side note: author is very busy due to school and work and other nonfootball things, all of which are incredibly boring and lame and nowhere near as exciting as football Saturday. Posting will be erratic, but you'll live.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

2007-10-30T19:41:00.000-04:00

Okay, normally weekends here at the Crushed Orange household are pretty normal -- one of our favorite teams lays a big, fat egg, and one of the teams we hate gets away with a win they didn't deserve.

This weekend was not one of those weekends.

Clemson demolished Maryland -- and I get to say that because 1) it's true, and 2) that last touchdown was a bunch of crap. Even the cat here at C-O HQ knew it was crap.

Cat knows touchdowns, and that ain't no touchdown.

Also, a big thanks to the Vols and the Coots for providing a very entertaining end to my Saturday night. Tennessee had the lead at the half, and I felt comfortable with switching over to the OSU/PennState game for the boy. Little did I know that Tennessee would choke and let the Cocks post 21 unanswered points on them. I switched back and caught the terrifying, exciting, and visor-tossing end, where Tennessee misses the first field goal to tie, gets a false start penalty by the grace of God (it's proof God hates Spurrier!), and barely makes the next attempt. Then, in OT, Succop misses a field goal that was easily within his range.

And Blake Mitchell.. ooh, boy. That guy deserves the Heisman.

(wait for it...)

The Heisman of FAILURE. Smelley easily was the better QB for the Cocks, but he was benched in favor of the biggest chicken in the land. Mitchell's hallmark seems to be laying an egg when the pressure is on (side note: new favorite phrase is "laying an egg"), and the pressure was on a lot during the USC/TN game. Dropped snaps, miscues, under/overthrown passes.. it's the Blake Mitchell Clemson fans know and love.

Also, what's wrong with Spurrier? Can't he pick a QB and stick with him? Neither one will produce if you have all this weight on their shoulders, like.. "okay, men, screw up and your butt's on the bench for the rest of the night."

Crow. I'm totally eating crow right now. I had my doubts about James Davis and his Guarantee of Win, but he pulled through. Davis needs to make more guarantees -- like an ACC championship, an awesome bowl game (and a win there, too) and some money. For me. Please? No? Okay. Seriously though, he stepped up, and so did the team. At some points, it looked like he was carrying the team on his shoulders, moving the ball down the field.

I'm proposing a new nickname for James Davis: Atlas.

Atlas guarantees a win against you. Bring it.

This week is definitely looking up -- especially now that I have a new toy. Shiny! Expect liveblogging of games in the future, with commentary from myself and Deek.

Also, tomorrow's Halloween, so go buy your yellow sheets and rope; you, too, can be Ron Cherry's favorite accessory!

Tricks are for kids,
J.L.

Your Weekly WTF

2007-10-28T19:10:00.001-04:00

While it's become a bit of a habit to watch the top 10 teams embarrass themselves and make room for the next set of victims, things were relatively stable this week--though Boston College nearly did so, before spoiling our fun by coming back in the last two minutes--with only #10 South Florida losing to #23 UConn (more on that later).

Unfortunately, we didn't see #1 Ohio State upset. I'm going to chalk it up to JoePa's willingness to put good old-fashioned discipline and honor ahead of silly rankings by actually imposing suspensions which last over a game on a few of his key players currently embroiled in legal battles, because telling myself this keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night. (If Spurrier helmed Penn State, think the Ol' Doll Coach could get away with saying "I was not aware the school had policies against rape" at a press conference?)

Not that the weekend was without its pleasant surprises:

For the first time in their history, UConn beat a ranked team, taking down #10 South Florida (who, just two weeks ago, was at #2), making this their first victory against a ranked opponent. My prediction? The Huskies take it to the National Championship and brutally slaughter Ohio State, 70-2. (The 2 will be a pity safety because they didn't want to look like they were rubbing it in.)

My irrational love of wolves was finally justified as N.C. State beat the previously undefeated #19 Virginia Cavaliers. Nevada beat Idaho, and the New Mexico Lobos squeaked past Air Force, too. It's like all my Christmases have come at once.
The #12 University of Spoiled Children were the underdogs (WHAT) in a game against #5 Oregon (WHAT). They lost (WHAT) and might not be going to the PAC-10 championship (WHAT).
Two of J.L.'s predictions have come true: she said the Gamecocks' weren't going to just coast through the rest of the season and waltz their way to an SEC title (in fact they probably won't even have a shot at it anymore)--and they'd choke once they broke the top ten (lost to Vandy at #5), fall to about #15 (ranked #16 last Saturday), then lose again and fall out of the top 20--the official BCS ranking seems to have them out of the top 25 (with our beloved Tigers in there by the seat of their hideously purple pants). That's what a diet of cupcakes does to ya. (P.S.: Dear J.L. Need to prevent me from becoming my own father. Please leave the keys to your time machine on the counter. Love, Deek.)

Stay tuned--I'm just getting started here, and I'm due for a hate-fueled rant against Alabama fairly soon. Like an elephant of victory, with hate as fuel.

on paper tigers and turtles

2007-10-25T17:37:00.000-04:00

WHAT. Last week was an absolute mess. Clemson was supposed to beat one of the Directional Michigan schools by 17 or so, and the Coots were going to whoop up on Vandy.

Then Saturday rolls around, and the Chicken Curse comes back in full force. Vandy smacks Carolina in the mouth, with Spurrier's team unable to score a touchdown in the last six quarters of play. (Maybe the Ol' Doll Coach should spend less time clickin' and clackin' and work on coachin'.)

And ooh, boy, Clemson owned Central Michigan. It's a good win for us, but it's not great. After all, it's just Directional Michigan. It's a mediocre team from a rotten conference. Everyone's settling down and expecting another dominant performance from Clemson this week at Maryland, and that brings me to...

James Davis, close your checkbook. Davis guaranteed a win at Maryland. Guaranteed it. You know, Proactiv guarantees to get rid of acne, but it turns out that Proactiv makes acne worse. I'd say it didn't live up to its guarantee -- but James Davis doesn't cure acne. (That's Willy Korn's job.) Davis runs the ball, and apparently his mouth is in the check writing business. Saturday, that check goes into the Ed Orgeron Bank of Footbaw*, and it's either going to clear with a win, or it's going to bounce, and you don't want to know the penalty of bouncing a Footbaw check.

Or you could look at it like this: win, and our ACCCG hopes are alive. Lose, and FireTommyBowdenNOW.com gets registered. (Assuming it hasn't already.)

Crank dat, soulja boy. What does that song even mean? Five dollars to the first person to understand the song without Googling the lyrics.

Clash of the Titans. This weekend is full of big battles, but one of the best (and arguably, most important in regards to the Tigers) is tonight's battle between Boston College and Virginia Tech. Matt Ryan tries to cement himself as a Heisman hopeful, while Sean Glennon starts under center tonight after freshman replacement Tyrod Taylor was injured.

Other games of note:

Ohio State v. Penn State: The Buckeyes are experiencing deja vu with the top dog status again this year, but Tressel's boys have to make it through Penn State, Wisconsin, [TEAM REDACTED], and Michigan. Penn State's just looking to survive without any more troubles coming their way.
US(poiled)C(hildren) v. Oregon: Booty may be back! (John David, that is.) That may not be enough to save them from oh who cares the Pac-10 sucks this year.
THE WORLD'S LARGEST COCKTAIL PARTY. Florida v. Georgia is always a good game, and this year will be no different. I expect EDSBS to be chock full of amusement come Monday.

Then there are the two requisite games for this household: SC at Tennessee and Clemson at Maryland. Not watching those is akin to treason, and football treason is punishable by removing favorite shows from the TiVo. Don't make me remove "House."

-- J.L., who is addicted to her TiVo and would marry it if it were legal.

* Ed Orgeron is the coach at Ole Miss, and he really calls football "footbaw." Orgeron is the stuff of bar-brawling legend, and is both respected and feared by the CFB blogosphere. Or something like that.

From Death Valley to the Valley of the Dolls

2007-10-19T17:15:00.000-04:00

Tiger Calls. Last night was Tiger Calls with Tommy Bowden at the local Bi-Lo, so I figured I'd drop in and get a few pictures. I had a few observations as well.

1) He's a lot shorter in person than I thought he'd be. He must be 5'6" or so.
2) Socks. Lil' Bowden needs to wear 'em.

3) No one wanted to call in and ask the tough questions, like "why do we suck at running the ball?" "Why aren't you fired yet?" "When will you be resigning?" The discussion centered on Central Michigan, and Tommy managed to look bored almost all evening.

Then again, I'd be bored too if I had to sit in a grocery store and listen to the same stupid questions all over again.

The last caller inquired as to Bowden's coaching status, and he gave the bog-standard "I'm just the head coach and I'm focusing on the next game" spiel. Shortly thereafter, some Coots kept it classy by calling out "Come get some!"

We will, Cocky. We'll have chicken for Thanksgiving this year.

Valley of the Dolls. Yesterday The State decided to give the internet a new toy in The Ol' Doll Coach. Then the blogosphere caught wind of it, the talk radio stations laughed about it, and Gamecock Nation collectively stammered and stuttered and called for someone's head. I suppose it's only right for them to have a doll-coach to play with, as they've been pretending to have a football team for years.

Thursday Night Recap: No interesting hockey on last night, so when I got back from Tiger Calls I caught the rest of the USF-Rutgers game.

A note to all teams playing Rutgers in the future: shut down Ray Rice, and you effectively shut down Rutgers. Rice had 39 carries for 181 yards, which was nearly half of their total yardage.
Jim Leavitt has one setting: HOLY CRAP OK I'M ON LET'S GO COME ON QUIT ****ING EVERYTHING UP YOU SONS OF OH HOLY CRAP THROW IT NOW GROTHE.
Now that Leavitt has one loss, he is no longer acceptable in the eyes of Tigernet.
And where was Lou's Pep Talk? I need my fix of crazy!

Looking ahead: If you're out of Ambien, watch tonight's game. Louisville at UConn? Snooze. I'll watch hockey on FSN instead and try not to get burned out tomorrow, on Epic Saturday. I plan on watching at least one quarter of every game on television tomorrow, with the exception of games on the U, since my cable package doesn't provide it.

Ohio State v. Michigan State should prove to be interesting; the Spartans look tougher this year than in years past, and after last year's dismal performance against Florida, people are asking questions that Ohio State can't answer. This game will either provide answers or new questions.
Auburn v. LSU is one of three big SEC matchups tomorrow. LSU wanted a perfect season, and Kentucky spoiled that last week. Auburn looked pretty hopeless until they slipped past the Gators. If I were a betting woman, though, I'd say LSU takes this one, simply because of last week -- being beaten by Kentucky's enough to make anyone fightin' mad.
Florida v. Kentucky would normally be a snoozer match, but this Kentucky team looks scary good. They looked awful against the Cocks, but they smacked LSU in the mouth last weekend. Kentucky rides high into a home game against a stunned Florida, who hasn't won a game since playing Ole Miss nearly a month ago.
Tennessee v. Alabama won't be nationally televised for the first time since 1988, but if you get to see the horrible-quality Lincoln Financial games (on the Fox affiliate here in the G-Vegas region), you'll be watching some great SEC action. Oh, and you might see Fulmer finally get served with papers (pertaining to the numerous NCAA violations that cost the Tide two years in the pigskin pokey).

The other two must-see/hear games are Clemson v. Central Michigan and South Carolina v. Vandy. For Clemson, this is a must-win; if the Chippewas pull off an AppState-esque upset, Tommy Bowden'll be in water hot enough to make his loafers melt. For South Carolina, the Vandy game is a chance for them to show their dominance against an obviously lesser team. Spurrier will try to run up the score, but Vandy's still hacked off from last week, and I don't think it'll be as big of a win as the Coots would like.

-- J.L., shakin' the southland since '83.

An open letter to Cock Nation

2007-10-16T22:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Gamecocks,

Congratulations on your big win against North Carolina, who are currently 2-5, in a rebuilding year, and are not now nor have they ever been a football powerhouse. I know you're all so proud of squeaking by the Tarheels. You must be, obviously, since you've had shirts printed up bragging about the six-point beatdown you delivered.

You're the number six team in the nation, and yet, I'm still not sold. Perhaps I'm biased, but I'm also not blind, and any fool can see the Cocks haven't given any BCS-worthy performances this year. So you barely lost to LSU. Big deal. Tulane held LSU to 10 points in the first half, without a tropical storm bearing down on them, and no one's ranking Tulane in the top 10.

Let's do a recap of your season, shall we? You looked pretty ragged against the Ragin' Cajuns, you squeaked by Georgia mostly due to their own incompetence, and then you looked fairly tough against SC State, but so would Duke. You went down to LSU, and everyone saw what happened there. Then you came home and beat Sly Croom's Bulldogs by 16 and hung 38 on Rich Brooks and the Wildcats. (To be fair, they hung 23 on you, so it wasn't a cakewalk.) You thought you'd coast against the other Carolina. You called into the radio shows and called out the 'Heels and said you'd annihilate them. Said it wouldn't be a contest. Well, Cocky, it was a contest you almost lost.

Maybe you should quit crowing and focus on the rest of your season. Vandy nearly beat Georgia, and Georgia nearly beat you, so this upcoming game might be closer than you want it to be. Then you visit Tennessee and Arkansas, who both have something to prove this year, and after that Florida and Clemson come calling. Savor your six-point beatdown, Cocky, because you're on a diet until the end of the season: No. More. Cupcakes.

No love,
J.L.

Tigernet = fail, and other lulz from CFB.

2007-10-15T18:19:00.000-04:00

Tigernet sucks*. I keep hearing that Tigernet is a great place for Clemson fans to post about the sports teams and talk about the coaching disaster that is TB. When I signed up, I wasn't aware I was automatically signing up for middle school again.

Clemson lookalikes? Central Michigan lookalikes? SWEET MOTHER OF FORD, STOP POSTING THAT CRAP. Let's get back to the real debate: Tommy Bowden or tuberculosis?

*Tigernet doesn't always suck, but I'm really sick of the irrelevant crap. If we're gonna fight about head coaches, fine. If we're gonna make fun of the coots, fine. Let's quit with the silly kid stuff though, okay? Truce?

--

Spotted on eBay: Arkansas Razorback Moral Victory - Heavily Used

Seems like the folks in Fayetteville aren't too happy with Boss Hogg these days. Can you really blame 'em, though? Seems there's really Nuttin' like being a loser in the SEC.

From the auction:

Q:	Does this Moral Victory have an Expiration Date?	Oct-15-07
A:	Think of the moral victory like a twinkie....determining it's shelf life (or expiration date) would make carbon dating methods resemble our passing game.

Proceeds from the auction benefit endabuse.org, so it's for a good cause. If you have disposable income and a desire to claim all your losses as moral victories, this is the auction for you.
--

Is the honeymoon over? I wonder if the folks down in T-town will have the same thing to say in a year or two about Saban? He's giving quite a few of the folks at the Build-A-Bear factory nasty indigestion with his last-second finishes. Even worse, his wins aren't really wins, as the Crimson Tide are only coasting along on the incompetence of their opponents. See: Ole Miss, Arkansas.

--

Finally, thanks to Boise State and Nevada for providing some of the most entertaining football on television last night (and yes, I watched Dallas/NE). Boise State pulled off one heckuva win in 4OT, and even though I felt obligated to pull for the Wolfpack (thanks to the boyfriend's irrational love of wolves), I have to salute the orange and blue for one exciting game. If I wore a hat, it would be off to you, Boise State.